No Context #2: And Now For Something Completely Different

Have you ever gone out on a rescue mission for the most uncomfortably designed sex-robot who was kidnapped by psychotic drugged-out desert bandits, only to be lured into an ambush of animatronic suicide teddy bears engaged in a dangerous game of landmine frisbee, then upon acquiring and taming the sex-robot, whose circuit boards have all been replaced with cheese pizza, been roped into performing in a concert for the king of the raiders by a giant mutant lizard thing with claws the size of your forearm, playing a giant electric guitar made out of a 40mm anti-aircraft gun, while also protecting him from assassins in the middle of the mosh-pit concert while he rocks out the hardest anyone has in ages, killing several dozen audience members with his guitar cannon, and instead of being rewarded with money, been showered with dozens of copies of his newest album?

Me neither, so I thought I might write about it.

Check back tomorrow for a more in depth appraisal of another week’s utterly insane D&D session.

The setting: Fallout, the apocalyptic wastelands of former America in an alternate universe where our culture never left an idealized 1950s, everything was nuclear powered, and Joe McCarthy was president fifty three times in a row, until the world exploded. Set in the relatively radiation free Mojave desert, centering around the remarkably intact wasteland jewel of New Vegas, ruled by the enigmatic Mr. House and his army of impossibly well-balanced unicycling Securitron robots. Two powerful factions fight over and around it and the still functional Hoover Dam hydroelectric plant: the democratic and industrialized New California Republic, and the bigoted, savage, but ruthlessly efficient Caesar’s Legion, who look like Roman football punks. With swords.

Our Party:

Sparks Nevada, The Marshall on Mars. I’m not sure what better description I can give. Literally a space cowboy who thinks he’s on Mars.

CONAN, the former governor of California, Warrior Prince of Anatolia, and a jet-propelled robot wielding a plasma rifle, flamethrower, and sword, destined to defeat the evil sorcerer Thulsa Doom. Also comes with an AM/FM radio.

Megan, the salacious and flirty ghoul archaeologist, an immortal mutated human being who is healed by radiation, but looks like a bipedal strip of beef jerky, and has the voice of a crow afflicted with polyps and a severe case of strep-throat. Tends to leave bits of her skin on everything she touches.

Carl, a rather unassuming ex-NCR sniper who’s just kinda around.

Guest Starring:

Electric Boogaloo, the rising (death)star of the Mojave music scene, a hard rocking bard who plays primarily for the drug-addled bandit clan known as the Fiends, but is looking to expand his venues to include more civilized locales.

Fisto, sex-robot model Protectron.

With a Cameo by:

Motorunner, King of the Fiends.

And Ranger Derrick, who has more vandalism convictions record than the Visigoths.


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